It's not always easy, the peeling sometimes hurts, but the deep love it fosters is clear to see.
"i actually know quite a few people (artists and otherwise) who are in open relationships, but don’t go around broadcasting it. i don’t really hang with the poly community or go on “open marriage” pride marches.
And he was like, "I'm totally game to let you sleep with whoever you want," and I was like "Great! Let's definitely do that." And to be fair, or to be totally honest, we agreed to shut down the openness of our relationship until further notice at least when I got pregnant, because it was too complicated. Being in an open marriage, or a polygamous relationship [sic], you might think it would make the relationship easier, simpler. And so anything that is going to threaten our marriage has to go. And any time something comes in to threaten our marriage, whether it's a breaking of trust, or a person who's slightly too crazy, or this that or the other thing.
It actually means you need to maintain a stronger relationship, a more communicative relationship. It's difficult but we have to sit there and talk about it, sort it and deal with it.
So, a lot of this happens in a more boring adult way....
Things like that do come up in conversation, and since it's been a number of years now since I've slept with anyone but Neil, I can't even remember. His marriage to Palmer was, initially, “a very open relationship”. So while it is “a theoretically open relationship, it’s kind of closed in practice. Right now it’s kind of moot,” he says, given that they are “sharing a bedroom with a two-year-old who’s just figured out how to get out of his crib.
It needs to be so grounded, to weather the energy of other sexual partners, that if you're not really ready to do that work, I wouldn't recommend it. And we deal with that — the same way people in "more normal" monogamous marriages, deal with all the shit they have to deal with. So a lot of it is the same set of issues, you just stick a different frame around it. A lot of it now is now like, Neil's in his fifties, I'm in my forties, neither of us are all that into super-casual sex.